Human Life Sunday at Rocky Face Baptist

I have found my calling! I so enjoy speaking! I never have such a thrill as when I stand up and share Lucy's story! That is not something in a MILLION years I thought I would enjoy doing, but when God calls you to do something, he equips you with what you need. 

Not to say that it has been easy for me at all. Preparing was a breeze, but beforehand I get so nervous. I feel sick the morning of and before I go up, my heart beats like crazy and I feel like jello. Luckily, I have not had to deal with the issue of constantly stumbling over my words or forgetting where I am at and going "um." That is a blessing! Afterward, though, I do worry if I was standing up straight or I had decent facial expressions. I am so focused on what I am saying and making sure I am going at a good pace, I do not think of those things. On a positive note, I have been very surprised at how well I do at making eye contact. In fact, I looked Jessie in the eye several times while giving my speech today.

With all that said, let me start from the beginning. I woke up super early this morning to get ready and go over my speech. I loaded up the car with everything I needed to bring to set up the table. Got Sam and Jessie ready and we were on our way!

We found where we needed to be pretty easy. We arrived at 10 o'clock and so did Vickie. She helped me set up the table. We had several pamphlets and some model babies with cards on fetal development. We met the pastor and talked for a few minutes on what to do and when.

Before I knew it, church had started. They did some music, prayer, and baptized a man. Then Vickie stood up, gave an update on the center, and introduced me and the family. I was up next. I began my speech, and after the first word, my anxiety wore off. As I spoke, I kept looking at Jessie. After my first few paragraphs about the center and the services we are offering, Jessie started looking down at the floor. He was crying. He has never heard me tell my side of the story BEGINNING to END. He has heard bits and pieces, the more they talk. But after that day, we just didn't discuss it in detail. It was not until recently that he shared a little of his experience in the waiting room. He said one thing that bothered him was that there were MOMS in there complaining that "They needed to hurry up with their daughter. Because they had school the next day!" Anyway, getting off topic, when I sat down, he squeezed my arm and broke down. I have noticed a change in him the last 12 hours. I am hoping this is a break through to something new.

Samantha looked up to me, her eyes so big and said, "Mommy, you did such a great job on your speech! I am really proud of you!" I won't go too much into this, but the last few weeks Sam has been real upset that she STILL is not a big sister. I just remind her that she is. I tell her that she has a baby sister up in Heaven and that she can be a good big sister by helping me out at the center and sitting with me at churches for support, etc. She felt so important after I told her that. She is even more eager to help. Today she behaved during church, watched me when I gave my speech, shook the hands of the people who came to the front to talk to us, and even talked about choosing life!!! 

Speaking of, after church, the pastor had us all come down to the front. We prayed and then everyone came up to the front and spoke with us. I felt so Blessed to have Jessie standing up there with me, supporting me. I never believed we would make it THIS far.

When we got in the car, Jessie told me he thought I did an amazing job and that he was really proud. (Which I was happy that he is finally FULLY approving of what I want to do. That is important to me because I didn't like hiding it at first. Telling him I was only speaking to share our services.) He then looked at me seriously and said..."Did you really write that speech?" I asked him what he meant? How could I steal someone else's material while writing my own story? He said that he was just very impressed with how well written it was. (He has never really read my writing-just not something I do on a regular basis, except my blogging. But that is MY thing.) I just told him it is something I am passionate about, something close to my heart. He said he gets it.

Afterward, the lady who invited me to speak at the church said she wanted to take us out for lunch. So we went to Guthrie's. It is apparently Florida's version of Zaxby's. Jessie enjoyed talking to Vickie's husband. They found common ground-hunting. And Vickie and I talked about a little of everything-the center, kids, family...

It was such a nice day. I felt so...alive today. So...alive.

*For Hannah: Jessie did not record it for me. He said he wanted to focus on my speech instead. So the lady I talked to said that as long as the sound system has been fixed, they should have a disc with the entire service on it. If they do, she will get me a copy. :) 

Here is my speech: Since I had my speeches so close together and did not want to get them confused, I used the same base and adapted each one for the place I was going. This one is the longer of the two. I added more details about the center and more about the clinic.

-->

I would like to start by saying thank you to everyone for your continual support of our center. Without our supporters, we would not be able to provide free pregnancy tests, baby items, and counseling for women in crisis.

I am excited to announce that this Spring we will be starting our first post abortive recovery group using the Bible based Save One curriculum. It is a 7 week, one night a week program that deals with each emotion that needs to be addressed when recovering from an abortion. It is for all ages, and it does not matter if it has been a year since your abortion or 30 years. Each group will only have 3 to 4 women and 2 leaders. It is a very small, close knit group that involves prayer, Bible study, activities, and discussion. The nights we get together are a very special time of fellowship and healing.

We are also offering individual counseling using a custom curriculum for those who are not comfortable or ready to be in a group setting. The days and times for that are flexible. The program lasts 6 weeks, 1 session a week.

If you would like to speak to me about our new post abortive counseling or any of the center’s services or just have a question, I have a table set up with more information and I would love to talk to you after the service.

But I guess it is about time that I introduce myself. My name is Brittany. I am 20 years old. I have been with my Husband for 6 years. Together, we have two children. One of those children is in Heaven this morning. Her name is Lucy.

Lucy never had the chance to walk this Earth. She has never had the chance to smell a flower or breath a breath of fresh air. Lucy went to be with God before she was even born.

On December 29^th 2009, I found out I was pregnant-again. Those two pink lines once brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart, but this time, all it brought was fear. And what are we going to do? Our daughter had just turned one that September and we were living with my Mom while I finished school.  Though my Husband worked, we struggled paying out half of the bills. And if my Mom found out, we would have to leave. At that point, adoption didn’t even seem like an option. The devil bombarded us with lie after lie. We could not afford to be on our own. Nobody would help us. We had nowhere to go. We had no other choice, we thought. 

At that time, my daughter, Samantha, seemed more-real to me than the child that had just started growing inside of me a few week before. But I was wrong. The CHILD inside of me had a heartbeat just the same as the one I was holding in my arms. That CHILD inside of me had hands and feet all the same. It was my job to protect this child, this gift living inside of me, but by time I realized that, I was too late. I had an abortion. December 29^th, 2009 was the last time that I held my precious child safely inside of me. 

We pulled up to a large building full of businesses, and hiding in shame, there it was, Summit Medical Center, in the back, bottom, corner of the building. A small, dimly lit office full of women of all ages. Some looked calmer than others. Some were crying. Some were yelling at their mothers to hush and just  “Let them do it! It was their CHILD anyway!” I was handed a clipboard and some papers to fill out.

We waited for hours before I was called back for my ultrasound. Right at that moment I felt so trapped. Like I was on lockdown and I couldn’t change my mind or they would shutdown all the doors and sound the alarms and drag me back to the back. I asked her how far I was and she stated that I was about 6-1/2 weeks and that was the perfect time to do the medical abortion. My heart sunk as I saw her circle the word “Yes” under Cardiac Activity. I had a perfectly healthy life inside of me, and soon she would be gone.

After my ultrasound, they went through a few more tests and then sent me back in a room full of other women who were all there for the same thing…a cup full of pills.

And as they passed around the consent papers and made follow up appointments-that I never did attend, they also handed out those tiny little cups and repeated instructions on what to do and how to do it. What to expect and how to cope with the pain. And as I stared at that pill I thought of all the reasons I felt I HAD to do this. So I took it. And as I did, the last words I heard as I left were, “Happy Passing.” I didn’t know what was so happy about it…

I left that building so ashamed of myself. I already wanted to take it back. All I could think about is how….MAYBE, somehow it didn’t work. Maybe I could have that second chance to hold my child and rock her, tell her that I Love her and would never hurt her. But it didn’t happen that way. 

I always knew having an abortion was considered wrong. I knew that it wasn’t an easy experience. I remember saying to my Husband, “It will take awhile for me to get over it. And I will probably be mad at you afterward.” But I just didn’t know the road that lie ahead of me. The events that happened on December 29^th that year left a Lucy shaped hole in my heart that only the Lord could fill.

For two years I suffered, trying to deal with my emotions. Anger toward my Husband and my Mom, people who didn’t have a clue what I had done. And with guilt, bearing the weight of knowing-I-my child’s mother-was responsible for the fact that she would not enter this world on August 21^st, 2010 or any day before or after.

I buried my secret and I tried to bury all the emotions along with it. After the passing of what would have been Lucy’s 1^st birthday, I broke. I started having severe issues with anxiety and OCD. I fell absolutely to pieces. I hit the bottom, and when I did, the Lord was there to pick me back up and help me put myself back together.

This is where my true healing began.

He lead me to the HOPE Center to receive counseling. While I was there, one of my counselors told me about Women’s Enrichment Center in Dalton. It wasn’t long after that I began serving there.  While at the center, I have found a tremendous amount of healing. I have spent my last year there attending a recovery group. I started getting to know the child I lost. I have talked to those involved in my abortion and found forgiveness for each one, including myself. And lastly, but definitely not least, I have been reading my Bible and praying to find that Peace the Lord promises all of us. And finally, this past Fall, while training to co-lead our New Save One group, I found complete Peace in the Lord.

Sometimes it takes 20 or 30 years for someone to seek help after an abortion, for whatever reason. Maybe they are embarrassed or think they don’t need it, but women and men, if you are here today and have lost your child or children to abortion, I encourage you to seek help, if you haven’t already. The Lord Loves us, his children, very much, and He does not want to see us suffer any longer than we already have. If you are here today and you know somebody suffering with the after effects of abortion, let them know they are not alone. And lastly, if you are here today and you are facing an unexpected pregnancy, there are options. Think twice, PROTECT the life of your child, like so many others before you wish they had.

Lucy may never have walked this Earth or smelled a flower, but her life did not stop that day at the clinic. She lives through her family, who loves her very much, her Mom, her Dad, and her big sister. Unfortunately, I became her voice a little too late, but now she has the chance to make the difference in the lives of so many. 

Program for the NMU Service

Thank You Card from NMU

Information Area

Program For Sanctity of Life Service at Rocky Face