Mountains and Valleys

Today was my first day of the year back at the center. It started out pretty well. I was at the top of my game starting out. I brought Samantha with me today, and we began our morning by counting some money from a fundraiser that they needed sorted and rolled. Sam learned a lot while she helped me with it. She learned her pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters. We did some simple math while we added the money. She learned to roll change and how to use a sorting machine. We took our own sweet time, and she really enjoyed it. She was serving and learning at the same time, two of the most important things.

After that, I made some calls to places that I will be speaking at this month for Sanctity of Human Life Month. The first place is a church. The other I just called today and offered to help and she told me she would like me to speak at their Memorial Service at the Memorial for the Unborn. She is going to get back with me soon, so that is exciting!

I also worked on a pamphlet for Sanctity of Human Life Month (SHLM-because I am tired of typing it over and over) with another lady who works at the center. She is not very computer savvy, so we got in some talk time and worked together on that. We also talked about having a Walk for Life in April. (For Abortion Recovery Awareneness Month.) I told her I would Love to help her organize it. (She is the fundraising coordinator.) So we are going to start working on that soon.

Now time for the valley...I serve on Thursdays, so when they have a girl call in who is "abortion minded," they try to schedule her on Thursday-or on a day that the lady I work with for the post abortive study is there. (We will just call her K so I don't have to keep saying "the lady I work with for the post abortive study.")

Today I had my first client actually show up. I have had other abortion-minded clients scheduled to come in and talk and they were all no shows. But this lady showed up. I was super nervous because I had never spoken to anyone before, but the ladies I work with are super supportive. They just kept reminding me, "For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." Matthew 10:20 I went in with confidence.

I obviously can't give any real details about her or her background-client confidentiality. But she was abortion minded. Her test was positive, so I went to talk to her, and she was extremely unresponsive. She had her mind made up, and there was no changing it. I had to let her go...I sent some material with her about prenatal development and post abortive stress syndrome. (I saw her reading it when I was out of the room, so maybe that is a good sign.) I will call to check on her next week.

I left the room crying and shaking hysterically. I thought I would be able to hold it together, but as soon as I left and saw our center director, I just feel into her arms sobbing. That was my first chance, and I ruined it. There are no practice rounds in this area of serving. I should have been more prepared.

But the women at the center, again, are so supportive. They reminded me that it isn't my fault and that God had it all planned before any of it happened. He knows what he is doing with her life and the life of the child inside her. (Doesn't make me hurt for either of them any less.)

I stayed for awhile after that and I talked to each one of the women at the center for awhile. I got some pointers from all of them. They told me about some of the times that they weren't successful. And they told me about the times that they were. They reassured me that there will be a day where I experience that, and that it will all be worth it.

But you know what, I know the Lord was with me-the whole day, but especially when I was in the counseling room. I was a new person today. I was more confident today. I was able to talk without being shy. I was able to assert myself and joke with the other ladies at the center and have fun. (In turn, Samantha was more outgoing as well. She really enjoyed herself at the center a lot more than usual.) And when it came time to talk to the lady I met with, I was able to look her in the eye and speak clearly. (Something I was nervous about not being able to do when it came time.) There were a few times where I lost my train of thought, went blank, and got a little bit nervous, but I stopped, took a breath, and continued. I really liked who I saw in the mirror today. I think that God is really doing a work in me so that I can do what he has called me to do.

Please play for that woman and the child inside of her. I can't say her name, but God knows who she is.